life is..

2009-05-12T17:10:00.002+08:00

turkey, turkey. my oh my.

i wanna go to turkey.

jet me off too.

3k please

finances, finances.

look at that, what happened to singapore.

our ancestors decided that the dot was too small to build any ancient architectual wonders.

2009-02-21T01:32:00.003+08:00

do i hear the sound of revival? the whispers of the heart that resounds through the empty space. getting back on my feet. yes, starting to stand once again. i dont wanna get left behind, fall back weary while the rest sturdily march on ahead. its time to fight, press on, strike the weak link. a vision of a fight, a confrontation and then a striker preparing to score a goal. the determination and focus in his eyes. its just him against the keeper. searching hard for the blind spot that the keeper has missed. the game is on. who prevails victorious?
stay tune to find out.

2009-02-02T22:59:00.004+08:00

imagine me right there, right now, once again...

ultimate bliss. enough said.

2009-01-24T18:01:00.002+08:00

stifling sickness. it sucks. i am to the point of almost immunity. almost is the key word. that it is not to say that i am not unaffected by it now but merely partially numbed. incessant words. in comparision to those around, this problem of mine is miniscue. however it is a small thorn in my ass that keeps pricking me. it stings and burns, not cutting deep but causing minor lacerations on a rather easy going life of mine. who knows, it might fester into an infection or something major. it only takes time. i am unsure if i have the control or the paitence to keep under wraps. in the first place, is it even worth it to burry the problem six feet under, suppressed.

2009-01-12T15:27:00.002+08:00

a life of a jobless man- a sad title indeed. classifieds has been my companion. though not a good one, but one none the least. flipping through the ads made me wonder how many thousands of people are vying for the same job as me. for once i thank God that singapore has merely a population of 4 million, most thankfully employed. imagine being in usa where the unemployment numbers is even higher than the total population of singapore. at that rate, i might have starved to death before i can even get a job.
however, blame not anyone but one's ownself for being picky. thats the main cause why the unemployed stay in that strata. everything to one's own convenience. being picky might satisfy you, but its not able to feed the declining bank account- ps: they only accept cash/cheque, bank transfers might do too.

2009-01-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

idleness has forced me back from retirement. days have gone by, seemingly wasted. the world watches by as time fades from my hands. at this moment, time is not an issue for me. it seems so surreal that studies have reached a momentary pause for me. a closure to a chapter of life. dreaming and fantasizing about this period for two year and it is finally here. do i feel contented? indifference is apt. there may be bouts of temporial pleasure at my current position but ultimately, it is merely a waiting game.
miao mentioned that what i yearned for was an escape from where i am. a rather accurate deduction i must say. like most, what i desire cannot be expressed in words alone. it is the sum emotions, dreams, aspirations all lumped into a single equation. to speak, i myself am rather uncertain of what i want. absconding from singapore sounds very attractive to me right now. however, i am bound filial piety, expectations and the Father up there. unlike the protagonists in literature, i am not exactly suppressed by it. however i do have to take into account such factors that mould my choices.

2008-05-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

final destination. the spiritual and the earthly.
everyone has a destination. a temporary stop or not. you decide.
as cliche as it may be, life is one long journey. within this journey, there are many small roads and reststops. take a break, relax a little. ultimately everyone moves on. on and on. a seemingly endless ride. round and round it goes. where is the end point? it ends here. where?-you might ask. it ends when all the petals fall to the ground. everything is temporary, get use to it but dont fall in love with it. it wouldnt last. till we meet again in eternity- the final stop.

2008-04-24T22:21:00.002+08:00

abhorance of stagnation. life is too short to be stuck on a plateau. wouldnt it be rather meaningless if there was nothing to look forward to other than what was already present yesterday and the day before and the coming days? fast paced, energy pumping, gushing emotions. a preference that deviates towards the polarities of emotions rather than just the mere presence of them that does not seek to expell reponses from people.

2008-02-10T21:41:00.000+08:00

gongxifacai
chinese new year weekend has gone by in a flash. along with the angpows comes a downpour of assignments to be completed within a span of 4 days. it adds to the long to-do list which includes visitng unknown relatives. i am glad that the awkwardness at my paternal side was short lived when my father decided to hop from one location to another as quickly as possible, lingering as little as he could. we finally resided at my maternal grandma's house where the rooms resembled a gambling den. ultimately won a meagre 20 bucks this 4 days. but hey, cny lasts 15 days. money will still pour in.
enjoy the holiday people. make it last.

2008-01-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

senior year is eating me up slowly. frankly, the weekend was horrid. incessant worthless thoughs were filling up every inch of my brian. mopping around the house was not the ideal way of spending the weekend. instead of doing something productive with the already inadequate 'free' time i have, i spent a large portion of it diminishing any positive thought concering my studies. my flow of thoughts have been increasingly pessimistic. i miss that optimistic behaviour that has once ruled my life. the cynic monster has been growing alarmingly large. its not ok when i say it is. my words have double standards. irritating but true. deal with it girl.

i dream of escaping. creating a new life for awhile. ceasing to exist as victoria. a place where it is different. disregarding my responsibilities. leaving for a year. yet i cannot seem to put everything down. everything that is connected to me. a tight knot that bounds me to everything and everyone that i care about. the thing about me is that i always look back, thoughts of regret fills my mind everytime i make a decision. what if i had gone the other way? what if it had turn out to be something else. i dont like to miss a thing yet somehow i always do.

2007-12-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

impossibly boring. thats what i make out of the my dad's malaysia camp this year.
well, i hate to admit but its probably partly my darn fault. i had absoultely no interest in it whatsoever from the start. everyone would have so much fun at ycite while i was stuck in malaysia. thus said, my heart was hardened and i was set on simply being an island on my own. with the exceptions of opening it up to my family of course.
i shall spare the miniscule details of the camp but the gist is that the kids there were lame. lame as in the type where absolutely no one laughs at the statement or joke for that matter. so visualise a room filled with about 25 youths, half of which make statements that are unbearably lame and the other half who are nochalant about their surroundings, only making the slightest of remarks when called upon. that was how 3 days ticked by.
talking about the camp just leaves a sore spot on an otherwise great term break. the only consolation was that i managed to get tickets to the maria sharapova live match this sunday. i'm sorry to say that i closed my heart to anything there. didnt learn anything other than a personality test. i was busy brushing up my doodling.
2007 is about to conclude. and in with the new year. call me kiasu but i have already been dreaming about life after a levels. hahah. so impatient. well, theres snowboarding in japan, staying in beijing and hong kong. etc, etc the list is endless. this is just the tip of the iceberg. how many of these will i accomplish, thats another story. i just recalled that i also had a extremely long list planned out for the period after the 'o's. i never got to complete a quater of that. hahah. anyway, i've got the whole year ahead to add and scrach stuff off the list.
cya folks, whenever that will be again..

2007-12-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

my oh my, it really has been a really really long while.
this holiday is one filled with activities. overseas- hk, thailand, malaysia. then there were the church activities- old queen street, baptism service.
i'm still bummed out that i cant make it for yc camp this year. oh well, so be it. spending time with my favourite literature textbook- pride and prejudice- is absoulutely necessary.
this holiday break has gone by in a flash. one moment i was still anticipating the hk trip and the next is already christmas. what a season.
christmas. its really getting overtly commercialised by producers. we as consumers on the other hand willingly get sucked into this vortex. blame consumerism for irradicating the true meaning of christmas. i think many (no offence) dont realise what the real occasion christmas is. either that or it simply slips out of their mind and they get caught up with shopping. its really more of a routine or an unwritten rule that you gotta buy gifts for people during christmas. you dont really want to be labelled the christmas scrooge. perhaps its time we should remind ourselves what christmas really is.
i dont need fancy gifts
i dont need pretty frocks
i dont need santa claus
i dont need a christmas tree
i've got the greatest gift of all- Jesus Christ

merry christmas folks and happy holidays.

2007-10-14T01:35:00.000+08:00

back AGAIN. after months of stagnantation, i am finally back. haha. holidays are approaching and i was thinking of continuing a blog since there would be nothing much to do.
Ian's party was great. had heaps of fun and laughter there. through the sharing, i realised the importance of friends and the purpose of them. Friends are people who we can bless daily and vice versa. our actions and words have a recurring effect on them. they are blessed by us the same way God blesses us. interesting isnt it. haha.

blessed are those with friends. love ya all peeps!

2007-07-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

greed.
one of the seven deadly sins.
i was thinking about greed when i came across ying nuo's post about the black button.
similarly, i think i would leave penniless. immediately. this will not give the man any reveue to be able to tempt me. haha. easier said than done.
"true beauty is self preservation". wow. is that really how the world views life? such selfishness, narcissim. thinking about it. everyone has their moments of greed. that moment of greed may lead to many repercussions. the worst being loss of life.
i really wonder how would i feel if greed took away someone really dear to me. how would i react? will i be able to forgive? will bitterness get a grip on my life? will i manifest into an unforgiving bitter monster?

anyway, sorry for the lack of photos and videos. i cant really seem to get the hang of blogger.
grace of God washes away our sins

2007-06-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

wow, it has been a while since i blogged. anyway, nothing out of the ordinary has happened these few days. big whooha tomorrow! my goodness, we have prepared so long for this day. yup, lets pray that everything will go smoothly as planned and there will be no hiccups.
Since the start of the GSS, i have yet to buy a single item on sale. therefore i gladly announce that i will indulge in some retail therapy on monday! hehe. my condolences to all the poly students who cant enjoy youth day. haha
my a level chinese orals are on tuesday. lets just pray hard that i wont screw it up. i shall start conversing in chinese. hopefully it makes a difference. haha.
just saw loads of sprees online. i really really wish to do some online shopping, pity i dont know how. gotta learn someday, dont wanna miss out on all the good stuff.
cya

2007-06-15T15:33:00.000+08:00

camp is over! oh well, it has been an awesome 4 days, interacting with both God and friends. Gained new perspective on some things, learned about the Kingdom of God and strengthened bonds with friends. Ian and pastor's sermons were great, esp on the last day. i didnt really know much about the Kingdom of God until now. candle soccer was super fun, the yc tradition lives on. hahah. Jia hao will leave with a lasting memory and a smooth and waxed pit. hahah. really enjoyed the past few days. although it was tiring, it was really worth it.
the holidays are nearing to the last week and i have barely done any revision. the next week will be devoted to my desk and a night with the girls. oh man, it will be like isolation nation for me. hahah.

2007-06-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

angry/pissed/annoyed/frustrated/vexed/incense/exasperated/irritated/incited/resentment/ ahhhh
forget it.. pointless- a lost cause

i was just looking through the photos we took during the myanmar trip. Memories simply flood into my head, its hard not to. So many fun and interesting activities happening in a such a short span of 14 days. hahah. great food, great company.. feels good to reminisce about the past. i
sound so emo right now.
thank God for friends. it makes life way much better. imagine a life without friends only a family to sustain you. i think i would just die man.. its much easier to speak your mind with friends than family on certain issues.
sometimes there is such a heavy burden and you wonder how are you ever gonna carry it. i just wanna soar out of the window, into the open world. emo feeling.

like a bird

BACK again...

2007-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i am reviving my blog once again. hahaha. lets pray hard that it will survive this time round. Lionel- arent you glad that your beautiful picture is not the first thing everyone sees anymore? hahah.
Anyway, its the middle of the holidays and i am nowhere near getting down to my studies. Just finished Heroes, finally. Great story, cant wait for season 2. hahaha. we are gonna be very busy next week, yc camp coming up. YAY!
well, i'll end off for now. hope to be back with more updates.
ciao

2007-02-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

Came back not long ago. Went to Matt's house. All the way at Bukit Batok. haha. Travelled across Singapore just to reach there. We supposingly went there to play TC3. However, that clever miao brought every unnecessary item except for the MOST important- TC3 cd . hahah
Anyway, had fun playing charades and some other new game we learnt. Charades made me realise how connected yn, sam, miao and i were. Must be because of the four short yet eventful years we had together. hahaha. i sound so emontional.
Learnt two new words today. nam.by-pam.by - weak, soft sensitive. septuagenarian- someone who is between 70-79 yrs old. haha. It was hilarious to hear the definition of the words by the others. To top it off, we had a simple yet sumptuous prata sandwich dinner by auntie valerie. Probably it was the company that made time there so enjoyable. hahah
cya

2007-02-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

Hey people!! My blog is back up and running.
Oh yeah FYI i deleted all my previous sec 2 entries. haha. So now no one else will read about my horrible past.
Went to the airport yesterday to sent James off. We will miss him.
In a few years time, i might have to send off good friends for studies. I think i would be crying bad. Esp if i had to send off the sisters. oh man... it will feel so weird without them. Anyway, i've sent in my jae application.
To God i entrust my choices. Let him lead the way.
Thanks to everyone who gave me advice, i am so blessed to have you guys.